On the issue of trust …

So many people desperately cling to an absurd sense of privacy, taking it to the extreme. What is the point? You blink two times and you’re already fifty, a few more years, twenty maybe if you’re really lucky and then you die. What is the point in keeping so much to yourself, in being so fearful of what others might think? In the end it’s all the same.

We like to fool ourselves that life has a meaning. In fact, we pretty much have no other choice. We’ve been sentenced to death against our will and now we have to do something until we wait for the inevitable. Fearing death and the unknown, most choose to ignore it and give so much meaning and so much of their time to the most trivial of things, as they desperately try to fool their mind that death is only an illusion.

Trapped in this prison of our mind, we all create our own universe in whose center we ourselves stand and we would do anything to preserve our sense of security and superiority. That is why people are reluctant to share their private thoughts and feelings, because they fear someone might use that information to destroy their illusion of the world and in doing so, forcing them to face the truth, the nothingness, the inevitable void that lies behind and in front of our frail existence.

What is a most intimate secret for one person can be a dull, insignificant event for another. That is because everything is relative, as Nietzsche said. There is no clear reality because everything is interpreted from one’s own perspective, hence, there are as many interpretations for one single thing or phenomenon as there are interpreters. It is not my intention to speak against the right to privacy of each individual. Some feel comfortable with it, others don’t, but if it is something that makes you feel good, then by all means make use of it.

PS: The inserted picture does not suggest the fact that I support suicide. Quite the contrary, I am firmly against it. The significance of the image is a metaphorical one. I have my own personal explanation and you can feel free to present yours.

Why Here? Why Now?

Good question! To be honest … I’m not sure. Impulse perhaps? Outside influence? If everyone else has a blog, why not me as well? especially when I have a little more writing experience than your average fellow.

Still, the greatest motivation must have undoubtedly been the desire to express myself, to share my views, because even though few might read these pages, what I have written will linger onwards. In real life you hardly ever have such an option. I have seen too many times, and recently as well, how people are never appreciated for their innovating ideas but solely for obeying the system and praising the so-called superiority of those in charge, those who create or help maintain the system.

Like Eminescu said oh so truly:

« Toate micile mizerii unui suflet chinuit

Mult mai mult ii vor atrage decat tot ce ai gandit. »

(All the petty grieves and worries of a much tormented mind
Will incite them higher than any idea your mind has ever designed.)

The English translation was made by me, taking as point of reference the translation of Leon Levitchi. I have modified a few words and expression to better express the original idea, although the Romanian version is the one that holds the true essence. This is the case with all great poetry of all languages; translations are never capable of reproducing the original in its fullness, which is why poetry is better understood by one who speaks the language in which it has been originally written.

Speaking of different languages, perhaps some people who know me personally are wondering why I chose to write in English and not in my native language, Romanian. The answer is simple: why write in a language that I already know? I might know English well but still I do not know it well enough and I want to perfect my knowledge of this language. I want to learn other languages as well but I want to master the English language as if it were my first. Also, writing in English offers the advantage of a larger audience and besides, almost everyone I know has an advanced knowledge of the English language and can understand my writing. As for comments, I don’t mind if you write in Romanian.

To shatter any doubt, I feel obliged to mention that it is not my intention to forget my native language. Though I must admit that I wish to move out of this country I never want to become one of those people who after living for several years abroad can’t even speak their language anymore. I hate that with all my being. I might dislike a lot of things about Romania but sill it is my homeland and I do not want to forget it. I do not want to forget the language or renounce my Romanian citizenship in favour of a foreign one. When I go abroad I will make sure to take books with me and check Romanian sites daily on the internet so that I do not break away from my origins. I like the Romanian language and am proud to be able to speak such a difficult language when so many others in this world can’t even speak correctly in their own simple mother tongue, even if it’s the only language they know. Bottom line, I never want to forget my first language and how to speak it correctly.

That is about it for now. I do have ideas for further posts but until I write them down I will probably post various compositions of mine which I have written in the past but did not post, not in a blog anyway. I must warn you though that I am a very complex person so the topics of my posts may vary, from very serious ones to more … fun ones, sometimes referred to as “fluff”.

In the end I leave you with one of my dearest songs. It is a sad songs and, despite appearances, not necessarily a love one. It can fit in various moods and I play it often, usually when I am in a more depressive state. I suppose I am a bit of a masochist when it comes to sorrow. I can’t just take my mind of it and think happy thoughts, I have to consume the sorrow in order to overcome it, and temporarily allow it to consume me. We have a symbiotic relationship, I suppose.